I
Just returned from a week with Lucie in Lyon, Paris and Milan, the point of which was to reconnect and assess if we want to stay together and whether or not we even can. The first aspect has never really been in question sort of married for nearly twenty-two years, but the second is a little stickier. In Lyon we saw Orb, Slomosa and Kadavar at the Transbordeur food and drink outside even vegan plats although why they close the bar extérieur during the second interval is unclear and Johanna queued for a t-shirt she never bought while Romain was eating a burger and Lucie and I left them to see the start of Kadavar because we didn’t want to miss it le même endroit I say with uncertainly meaning where we’d been standing for the other bands and his eyes shine and he shows his large teeth thick lips black stubble le même endroit he says an organiser for the Nouveau Parti Anticapitaliste the antifascist faction the party in fact split along ideological lines several years ago, the other side leaning more towards the popularisation of the far left in the name of election while Romain and the other camarades of which Lucie is one she helps make food and clears plates for the picnics in Malbosc or wherever they are. At these meetings they plan actions and organise quartiers and from this arise initiatives like Vélution, where members of the collective block roundabouts with their bikes and tractent cars as they go. Romain, therefore, is comfortable finding people in the middle of crowds and appears to believe finding us after Johanna has queued to buy a t-shirt or not as the case may be won’t be a problem, and that’s good enough for us and so we go to see the start of Kadavar’s set. We’ve been taking THC gummies you can buy them in the CBD shops here in Montpellier although there appears to be something of a developing legal issue and some have stopped. I bought as many as possible before the inevitable issue with the law but I went into a shop in Paris just to see if they had them and they did, margarita flavoured but with only ten mili per sweet I’ll take it though still loads of thirty mili sweets stocked from Montpellier. We didn’t see any bands in Paris because we were really only there for because I had a week off work the first holiday this year apart from the three weeks in which I was permitted to recuperate after breaking my back if it’s a matter of weeks it’s fine but if it’s going to be months that’ll be more difficult and we had to spend time with each other. Focus on us. Lucie and I spend very little time alone apart from in the evenings, which are, admittedly, becoming longer now the children aren’t really children any more and they spend all their time studying and playing Minecraft. We’ve been surrounded by children for many years. One of the often overlooked aspects of moving to another country is separating from your extended family which means no physical support for young children. We’ve been away twice that I can remember for weekends in over 15 years and this past week wasn’t the first time we’ve left them alone in the house but probably the first time we’ve left them for this long we’re both fifty two years old. The only reason we went tto Milano we had to return to Montpellier from Paris after two days so I could have x-rays on my back I missed one of the appointments the only reason we went to Milan was to see Elder support All Them Witches at Alcatraz. I couldn’t get tickets to see them together anywhere else, so seven-and-a-half hours driving to Italy. Elder finished on Gemini and Lucie and I had taken so much THC throughout the day honestly the Pinacoteca di Brera was pretty cool seen very high in the middle of the day nice bit of Caravaggio but they have only one I’m assuming all the major Renaissance paintings are in Rome and Florence been to the Uffizi but many years ago because they weren’t here. I don’t want to be disparaging towards the collection in Milan although in truth I was a little disappointed because it centres on the fifteenth century and the entire experience does leave one looking at a rather large elephant in the corner of one of the halls and by the time we got to All Them Witches Lucie and I are fucking wasted so high swaying with our eyes closed such a beautiful set completely lost my shit to Gemini can we stay together I can’t stand it let me out of the car I don’t want to be in the car with you behind my back where is she now really this is the only problem we fucked all week even though she had her period we’ve now developed a new routine because married sex is often about routine, is it not. But our routines aren’t just sexual of course and extend to fighting of course and Lucie of course is a little beyond that now taking double doses of Prozac and THC to keep everything in check doesn’t of course settle the core issue which is Elsa and the questions remain the same how long do you think it’ll go on for and the constant demands to calm it down and reign it in which I always challenge and we do our stupid little dance the problem being of course that cars are closed boxes although in retrospect it was probably a good thing that we weren’t able to escape each other none of this on the drive from Montpellier to Milan she begged to let her out at Grenoble the first major stop after the Fréjus Tunnel but I refused and did my best to keep her calm until we got back generally unsuccessful but honestly not as bad as it has been. I don’t have the answers because I don’t know I just have to keep repeating that I love Elsa and I love you, Lucie, and the honest truth is that I have to be with you both this drives her to distraction and she can shout for literally hours we both can and nothing ever changes although it is starting to shift a little because as I said before this is one of very few times we’ve been away alone since we moved to France over fifteen years ago and we’re going to London next weekend and to Barcelona in November. We’re supposed to be going to Amsterdam in December to celebrate our twenty-second anniversary but yesterday in the car she was saying that she won’t go with me now because I’m going to London with Elsa a few weeks before. I’m confident we’ll be going to Amsterdam. In Paris we went to see the Richter exhibition at the Vuitton Fondation I went to see the Dali exhibition with Ade at the Pompidou last year I think it was last year she leant on a large board displaying a drawing and it swung and we still laugh about that but these two exhibitions impressed on me the importance of production. Richter’s output was massive, as was Dali’s, obviously. I can’t write if I don’t write. So, in conclusion, we maybe want to stay together and we maybe can. Had a really amazing time, thanks.
